It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
