there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize