My hand turned me down
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
