Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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