I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
