Soap is not a condiment
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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