I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize