Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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