I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
