R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
