god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
