i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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