Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
