Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't turn off my feet"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
