I want you more than these girls want KFC
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
