you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
