Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
