I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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