omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
