I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize