My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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