maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
