You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
