He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
