I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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