Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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