He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
