im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
