the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize