i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
why do cheetos always look like penises
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
