i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
