How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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