he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
