just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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