So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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