I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
