If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
