you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize