why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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