Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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