i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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