Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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