I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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