I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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