I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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