Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
