the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
