I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
