discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
