I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
