Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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