I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
