Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
