how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
