I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
