Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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