i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
