How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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