I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
MIDGETS
????
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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