I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
