i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
