i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let's get the cat blown out
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
