Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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