I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
