i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
