am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
