I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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