I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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