Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
