I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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