The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
