He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You've changed since you got that strap on
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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