I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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