you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
