Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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