Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize