Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
