There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
