youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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