Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
