Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
