We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
