Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
