I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
