WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
