Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
