Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
