i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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