We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
