Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
