he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
