I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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