i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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