mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am naked and annoyed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
