So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
