Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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