Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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