You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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