I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
