The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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