my mouth tastes like poor choices
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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