We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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