I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
