How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
