I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize