the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
