don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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