I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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