thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
